tbonejenkins: (Mother of the year Izumi)

Last Tuesday, Daniel turned 13. He's officially a teenager now. We had a bunch of his friends over for a sleepover this weekend, and aside from them shattering our basement bathroom glass shower door into tiny pieces, everyone had a fun time (no injury, thank God, but yeah, it freaked out the kid who did it, whose official excuse was "We were playing hide and seek, I just went in there to hide and It just broke on me!".  Yeahhhh.)

Mother's Day has always been a bit weird for me, particularly over the past few years. I was going to post something yesterday on FB, but got overwhelmed by all the posts either rejoicing in Mother's day or dealing with the pain with Mother's day. I'm a mom of one son, and have had several miscarriages, the last one back in December 2014. So I've been dealing with the pain of that for a while. 

But I am still a mom. Because as a mother of an only, I sometimes feel like I don't fit in the whole motherhood thing. We don't have the chaos that larger families have (broken shower door aside); our kid for the most part is relatively easy to maintain, and he's getting to the point where he doesn't require so much hand-holding. But I am still a mother--just in a different time of life. And 13 years ago, Daniel was indeed born on Mother's Day, which was a sweet surprise.

So yesterday, I let the hubby and boy pamper me, which meant they made me breakfast (hasbrowns, omelettes) and dinner. We listened to Phil Keaggy and Sunday's Child, because that was the CD I was playing on repeat during labor (and yes, funny twist, Daniel was indeed born on a Sunday). We went to the Arboretum, where I finally got to level 5 on Pokemon Go. Then we went home and watched Wolf Children, which a gorgeous, heartbreaking anime movie about motherhood. Oh, and I called my mom and grandma to wish them Happy Mother's day. 

All in all, pretty chill day. We'll get to sweeping up the shower door glass at some point, I guess, but it's been super nice out. 

 

 

 

tbonejenkins: (Default)

Hey, remember back in December when I said I was going through some stuff and at some point I'll write a blog post about it? Looks like today's the day. I wrote about it at my dayjob's blog entitled Peace in the Changing".

For those who want the shorter, less Christianese, tl;dr version: I had an early miscarriage back in December. It happened smack dab in all the Ferguson and New York turmoil. And it pretty much messed me up good.

If there's one thing I've learned about the writing community, it's that we are serious when it comes to taking care of ourselves mentally. When I realized I was at a point I couldn't deal, the first thing I did was talk with a couple of professionals (read: doctor and chaplain). I also gave myself permission to lay low...real low. Played a lot of video games. Read a lot of books. Stayed away from Twitter, although I did a little interaction on Facebook. I also realized that there were a lot of things I were doing that were just too much for me, so it was time for me to let them go. One of those things were, sadly, Podcastle.

So if you listen to today's podcast, you'll hear that, yes, I've decided to step down as Associate Editor. A bummer, because I looooooved being part of the Podcastle family. But it was a good time to go--Dave and Anna are also stepping down (and if you haven't heard Dave's love letter to Podcastle readers, please, have a listen. It reduced me to a puddle of gooey tears, but in a good way this time). It's been an awesome run. I had so much fun at Podcastle, and it gave me insight into the editorial process. I still might do a narration every now and then, but for now, I'm gathering the little time I have to redirect it towards finishing the novel, and I'm getting close. I'm getting surprisingly close.

At some point, I'll talk more about the miscarriage. Yes, yes, I know, there's a culture of silence that should be broken about it. But you know what? I don't feel like talking about it in public yet. As I said in the blog above, I'm still healing. But you know what I would like? Stories about 'onlies'. I think that would help tremendously. 

Also, let me tell you this. My son has been an absolute trooper during this time. He's been sweet, helpful and caring. Just like his father. Who has also been absolutely wonderful. I'm going to slip back into Christianspeak and say that God has blessed me with two wonderful guys who took good care for me. And it was God who kept me sane throughout that entire time. Well, okay, there was that moment when I had that breakdown on Christmas Eve...but there were reasons for that...ask me about it offline if you want to here me go off on a nice long rant).

So anyhoo, that's all I wanted to say. I've been easing myself back onto Twitter again, slowly. And I've been writing a lot. A LOT. So thank you all for being patient. Oh, and other thing about taking care of myself? Shorter blog posts.

August 2017

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