Cafe in the Woods

So yesterday I finally got around to seeing Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Fell in love with it immediately--particularly the character of Finn. And in a way, seeing it has been useful in processing Urbana 15. Spoiler ahoy!

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So what I loved most about Finn's characterization is that he's not strong from the offset. He's just 'awakened' to himself and realizing that what he's doing is wrong, so he wants out. But not so much to fight. He's more about self-preservation, which is totally within his right to do so.  

But when Rey gets captured, suddenly, his self-preservation no longer matters to him. Because he connected with her, instead of taking the easy way out, he goes to save her...and he is badly hurt because of it. There's no reunion of them at the end. Our last shot of him is him unconscious in a medical ward.  His worst fear comes true. But the point is...he went anyway, even though he was scared, even though he knew he wasn't a hero.

For the past 14 months, I've been pretty much in "keep your head down" mode. Most of that was due to my dayjob spiraling up in stress, but most of that was also just seeing so much happening in the social media world over the push for diversity. The Hugos and the Sad/Rabid Puppies.  Stuff with my dayjob. News media and shootings and open carry and outrage and more outrage and doxing...until it felt like my voice didn't matter. Anything I said would be said in vacuum. And too much was being said anyway, by people who said it much better than me. What more could my voice add?  

So I kept quiet and hid. I stopped writing on my blog. I only posted on Facebook to my closest friends. And that intermittedly.

At Urbana 15, one of the sights that stuck out to me was catching a glimpse of Greg Jao, our VP of Campus Engagement, talking with Michelle Higgins, who spoke at Urbana on the #BlackLivesMatter movement. She was already getting pushback from her talk, so she and Greg were talking about the clarification statement IV was putting out on their website. What struck me was how they wanted to make sure they were communicating things right, in that Michelle wasn't speaking for InterVarsity, but at the same time putting weight on her words as a guest of Urbana. They were getting so much pushback (and by default, so was our office. Can't tell you how many phone calls and emails we got, including some from 'concerned Christians' who pretty much told us to go to hell, along with other words that pretty much wasn't Christianly.)

But Michelle was willing to take the heat. And so was Greg.

When I went to Ferguson and saw with my own eyes the place in the street where Mike Brown's body laid for hours, I was startled by the sudden rage I felt--not just for his death, and his narrative will be that of someone 'deserving' of such a death, but also for the people living in the apartment complex near him who had to see such and act. And, yes, also for the police that their own narrative was knocked awry. That now, they will no longer be seen as protectors, but oppressors. That no one will ever trust them.  

At one of the Urbana Seminars, Rev. Karen Anderson, who was also one of the pastors who marched in Ferguson, talked about finding a space and fitting in. "There's more to #BlackLivesMatter than just marching and protesting. Look for what is needed, then fill it." It resonated with me because I'm not the marching type, but I'm good at helping behind the scenes. I guess, for the past fourteen months, I've been trying to figure out how I'd fit within the whole movement. But doing my dayjob helps. and being a writer helps. 

And that my job, as a writer, is to change the narrative.

So many people are working to change the narrative. From those working with #BlackLivesMatter, to those working racial reconciliation, to those fighting to get diverse books and games out, And they're doing it, not because they're heroes--some are quite frightened to do so, and they bear so much hate. But they also know that people are dying, so they're, to use a Christianese phrase "counting the cost".  

Just like Finn.

So, uh, Star Wars. I loved it. And Urbana...I loved that too. And I can't believe I was able to meld the two into a semi-coherent post.

Currently in St Louis, attending the Urbana Missions Conference, and based on my job here, thought I should get back into the habit of doing quick journals. So I'm going to post these at my journals and FB. Let see how it goes.

So. Urbana. This is going to be a most interesting week. My job here at the conference is writing articles for Urbana Today, the daily newsletter. My schedule will basically be like this: at 7pm, all the writers meet with our editor Lisa, who will give out assignments for the following day. The assignments range from quick statements from students focused on a question of the day, to full blown interviews, to seminar write ups. The next day, we go out to our respective assignments, then first drafts of article write ups are due by 4pm. The articles get sent to proofreaders, yada yada yada, and we re-convene at 7pm to get our next assignment. The articles go to print at night and are ready the next morning.

This works well considering that tomorrow I'm going to be taking the Greyhound to my Uncle's funeral and coming back the same night. Our assignments are flexible, so I can make it super light, such as just talking to students, or more involved. Wednesday, I'll be covering the "Ferguson is Now" panel. I also hope to get to the different ethnic lounges. 

It feels weird that I'm finally putting my Journalism degree to work...19 years later.

Right. Off to my first assignment, which involves interviewing the IVP bookstore. BECAUSE BOOKSTORES.